Feature

Crystal Meth:
Getting High, Getting Off ... Getting HIV

By Nicholas Rupp

The first time Seth Matthews (not his real name) tried crystal meth, he had sex for eight hours straight and sincerely thought that his heart was going to explode right out of chest. “I was hanging out with a guy who just offered me some one night, so I tried it,” he says. “We snorted it, and it was incredible. We started having sex and just kept going and going and going.”

      That was just over 18 months ago, and now Matthews “tweaks” every weekend or every other weekend, depending on his work schedule and what his finances allow. The well-spoken and good-looking 20-year-old is a typical crystal meth user: That is, he’s not someone most people would peg as a drug addict.
      A powerful stimulant “cooked” in illegal labs from over-the-counter ingredients like battery acid and pseudoephedrine (found in many cold medicines), the powder form of crystal meth can be snorted, smoked, injected intravenously, ingested, or inserted anally — called a “booty bump.”
      Once in the body, the toxic chemicals stimulate the brain to release a potent pleasure-controlling neurotransmitter called dopamine, which creates a sense of incredible pleasure and an uncontrollable sex drive — sure impetus for addiction.
      Paula Gibbs, a psychiatrist at the University of Utah’s Clinic 1A, explains, “It affects the parts of brain that give us pleasure; the parts that allow us to enjoy life. Meth hijacks the whole system and gives people those highs without any reason, so eventually users become more interested in meth than in living life. The natural highs just don’t do it for them anymore because they’ve been so over-stimulated from the synthetic highs. The initial rush is so incredible that people think they can get it every time. They can’t, so they end up chasing it forever.”
      For some meth users, that chase includes a regular increase in the amount of the drug they take, all in the hope of reaching that first high again. B.J. VanRoosendaal, public information officer for the Utah State Division of Substance Abuse, says that people who think they are “recreational” meth users need to be objective about their use. “It takes more and more to get high,” she says. “You just can’t be a casual meth user.”
      Seth Matthews says that his first time was indeed the best. “It’s hard to explain. There’s a burning in your nose, then a quick, sharp pain at the back of your head, then everything relaxes, and it’s euphoric,” he says. “I know that word is clichéd, but it’s true. I know it won’t be that good ever again, but it’s still good enough it’s worth it.”
      Dr. Gibbs says meth is a particularly dangerous drug because it gives enormous amounts of energy and inhibits the ability to make good judgments. “It attacks the frontal lobe of the brain, where judgments come from. It literally robs people of their judgment.”
      Matthews agrees, saying, “Your higher thought processes are gone. Your judgment skills go right out the window. When I’m tweaked, I’m a little more accident-prone and I overestimate my abilities. Things that normally seem really stupid, you’re suddenly like, ‘Okay!’”
      In recent years local media has regularly reported on Utah’s growing meth problem, always focusing on young mothers using meth to increase their energy and lose weight. Few, if any, have spent much time on the distinctly sexual component of meth addiction — a component that appeals strongly to gay men. While no scientific studies have been done locally, VanRoosendaal believes that gay men are becoming an increasingly common demographic among users in Utah. She says, “We’ve certainly seen national research that the trend is true.”
      Dr. Gibbs stresses that meth appeals to people regardless of sexual orientation. “It’s a huge epidemic across the board. The hyper-sexuality, invincibility, energy, and lack of judgment cause people — gay or straight — to act out sexually while using. It’s such a problem because it’s cheap, easily made, and the high lasts a long time.”
      Seth Matthews says that for him, crystal is always a pre-cursor to sex. “That’s the whole reason I do it,” he says. “It’s totally sex-driven. It takes away your inhibitions. You can suddenly do all the things you used to just fantasize about. Plus, you’re hyper-aware and your perception is much more intense so everything feels so much better. It’s like being drunk without the fuzziness.”
      That sensory overload comes with a price, however. “Crystal meth is incredibly neurotoxic — it actively destroys brain cells,” says Gibbs. While the brain may repair itself to some degree after a user stops, she says there’s always a point beyond repair. “Prolonged use creates scars and holes in the brain. In a heavy user an MRI will actually show where the brain has been eaten away. And there are neurocognitive changes, too. People’s personalities change; IQ drops several points. It’s not always temporary.”
      Crystal meth can also cause temporary impotence, known as “crystal dick,” particularly in long-term users. To combat crystal dick, some men combine meth use with Viagra, the prescription impotence drug. The combination can be extremely dangerous because both drugs together increase the heart rate and lower blood pressure — sometimes fatally.
      It’s no surprise that crystal-fueled sex rarely includes condoms or other safe-sex practices. David Ferguson, program director of the Utah AIDS Foundation, says that while no scientific studies have been done [in Utah], there’s “anecdotal evidence that more and more people testing reactive to HIV were using crystal at the time of their exposure.”
      Dr. Gibbs agrees. “I can think of several patients of mine who know they were infected while using crystal meth,” she says. “It’s a serious threat.”
      Reports issued by the Centers for Disease Control say that across the nation crystal meth users are two to four times more likely to be infected with HIV than other gay men. Other STDs are an increased problem among meth users as well; syphilis rates are nearly 5 times higher than in non-users.
      Matthews knows he engages in risky behaviors when he’s using. His weekends on crystal usually include weekend-long parties, which are essentially orgies, almost always without condoms. “If you’re having sex on crystal,” he says, “99 percent of the time it’s unsafe. You’re not bothered by realities like that when you’re tweaking.”
      He says the parties take place in private homes and there’s one happening locally every weekend. “I hang with a couple different circles, and if one isn’t having a party, the other is. There are a lot of guys doing it — a lot — and no one talks about it. It’s very secretive. If you don’t know somebody who’s using crystal regularly, you know someone who knows somebody. It’s never more than two degrees away from you, I guarantee it.”
      Matthews also says that most tweakers party on the weekends then go to work and school without anyone ever suspecting.
      Ferguson agrees, saying, “There’s a whole spectrum of use. Crystal is usually a very functional drug. Some people get high every day to help get them out of bed. Others binge on Friday and Saturday, come down and sleep on Sunday, then go about their lives. In either case, no one knows there’s a problem.”
      Usually the weekend crystal parties include between four and eight guys, says Matthews, but he has been to one with more than 12 active participants. “They’re bigger in the fall,” he says. “I don’t know if it’s school, the holidays, or whatever, but for a while last fall there were new guys every time.”
      Matthews says that people primarily find crystal parties online. “Gay.com profiles will just mention “PnP” and you know they’re into it.” PnP stands for “party and play,” where crystal is the party and sex is the play. Other profiles mention “chem-friendly” or “looking to party.”
      Besides the sexual component, Ferguson and Gibbs both say gay men are using crystal to combat other issues. Dr. Gibbs says, “Disenfranchised populations are always at increased risk for addiction of any sort.” Ferguson says that the overt sexual component to crystal makes gay men even more susceptible to addiction. “HIV-negative men use it to socialize, to belong,” he says. “Positive men use it to escape, to find a mental space where there’s no HIV. Both are using it to feel more desirable, more sexual, and to make other people more desirable.”
      Matthews recognizes that crystal makes everybody look more appealing. “You don’t have boundaries with crystal. I don’t usually come down and then feel guilty about something I did, about a sex act. It’s usually more about someone I did. Your standards are definitely lowered when you’re tweaked.”
      He admits crystal use can go overboard; he once stayed high for four days straight — including a day at work — all without sleep. “That’s when the shadow people show up.”
      Shadow people, Matthews explains, are exhaustion-induced hallucinations. “You see things that aren’t there. I heard people calling my name. I rationally knew none of that really existed, but I didn’t believe myself, because the shadow people were right there in front of me.”
      Coming down off crystal meth isn’t pretty, either. “It can be hard,” says Matthews. “Actually … really, really hard. You’re depressed, moody and tired.” Paranoia, insomnia, shaking, nausea, sweating, hyperventilation and hallucinations can also occur when a tweaking period ends, sometimes lasting for weeks afterward.
      While partying, Matthews tries to minimize his risk of STD exposure by playing only within the same group of guys, though he admits his partners probably don’t do the same. “I’m more careful than most. If it’s somebody new, I always ask if they have anything,” he says. “Maybe that’s naive to think they’ll just be honest, but I do what I can to reduce my risk. I get tested for HIV every three months — there’s no excuse not to be tested.”
      Matthews says he stops using when he thinks he’s becoming dependent. “If I feel like I have to have it to get off, or that I need to use to maintain my personality, then I stop for a few months and get it out of my system, rebuild a little,” he says. “You never want to have to maintain [a high] to be normal.”
      He also has plans to quit eventually — before, he says, it ever gets to be a problem. “I won’t do this forever. College is the time to try new things, experiment a little. All things in moderation, right?”

Getting Crystal Clear