Sharing the Kim-Joy

by adminwp in Ruth Hackford-Peer | 0 comments

I’ve said before that if I knew how to have a nervous breakdown, I would.  Some days, it feels like the only reason I haven’t already is that it is another thing I just can’t accomplish.  Much like many details of my life, I just can’t get to having one.  Perhaps a nervous breakdown does sound like a nice vacation — although I would prefer to take my break from reality on a beach in warm weather, a padded room where I can rock freely does have its appeal.  So there it sits on my unfinished to do list: “have a nervous breakdown,” right next to “get prescription cost reimbursed” and “return library books.”

Of course I’m only joking. Still, I feel a rush of guilt just writing this, as if someday my boys will read this and realize that Mommy Ruth didn’t cherish every moment of their childhood like I am supposed to.  Mommy Kim, on the other hand, has just as many things on her to-do list (and probably more since item number one reads, “write a dissertation”), and she trudges through them one at a time, never letting on that there are other things she’d rather be doing.  She makes cooking, and laundry, and dishes and gardening fun.  She literally whistles while she works, and the boys line up, wanting to help.  She makes them feel important. Casey’s grin of accomplishment when he does something as simple as matching a pair of socks when helping with laundry is the only reward she needs.  I can only hope that I make them feel important, too.  It just isn’t as natural for me.

The truth is that I do cherish every moment of the boys’ childhood, and that is part of the reason I can’t get everything done.  I am getting better — much better — at letting the things that don’t really matter, sit.  Those are the things that will be there tomorrow.

As much as I’ve enjoyed writing this column the last couple of years, time is the commodity I just don’t have enough of. So, for me, for now, I’m going to let this sit, too.  But I have a small piece of unfinished business I need to attend to before I go.

I started writing this column right after Casey was born, and when Riley was a cross-dressing preschooler.  Casey is now a preschooler himself and Riley is ruling the second grade in traditional male dress.  I’ve written about the joy, the fun, the lessons and the lives of those boys.  I’ve written about being queer in Utah. I’ve written about schooling and working, activism and life, but I don’t recall ever really writing about Kim.  As is often the case, she blends into the background of many of these columns.  She’s the one in class who isn’t the first to talk, or even the second, or even the third.  But when she speaks she has something important to say, and the babbling verbal processors like me at the front of the class really should listen more.  I’ve decided that this is going to be my last column, and it is only fitting to dedicate it to Kim, for without her, I wouldn’t have been able to write these vignettes the last few years.

For those of you who don’t know her, Kim has worked tirelessly to complete a doctorate in education while never putting her family behind her work, her school or her research.  She has mastered the evening routine of cook — eat — clean — bathe — homework — boys to bed,  and then she starts in on her own to-do list.  She doesn’t sleep nearly enough as she should and she doesn’t get nearly as much respect and thanks as she deserves.   She’s a teacher and a learner and a motivator and a believer.  Did I mention that she cute and sexy and sassy besides?  I am considering going back to school next year once Kim is finished with her program.  What a role model I have to follow. I can only hope I keep my priorities and values in line as well as she has.  Next month we will be celebrating 13 years together — Kim’s favorite number — so the boys and I are excited to make this year even better than the last 12.

So while the family seems to be at the end of a very long race, if all goes well, I’ll be starting the marathon all over again.  But I know I will have the easier path, for I have Kim running alongside, whistling with joy, and reminding me to have fun.  Thank you.

Speaking of thanks, QSaltLake would like to thank Ruth for her hard work and her funny, touching and always excellent writing for us over the years. We wish her and Kim a happy 13th anniversary and many more happy anniversaries to come. We’ve loved working with you, Ruth, and we’ll miss you.