By the time you read this, Valentine’s Day will have passed. By the time I wrote it, because of my deadline, Valentine’s Day had not yet arrived. But let me say, after the fact, that I’d been preparing for this annual day for lovers by exercising my prostate daily, bleaching my ear hair, and I finally dug out the ball of belly...
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My lesbian friends, Chelle and Donna, recently acquired a cute-ass dachshund puppy; they named her Frankie (lesbians are so incredibly creative). Frankie is now around 13 weeks old, and she has a great personality and healthy stool — hey, that’s important for pups! Anyhoo, we as juvenile adults continue to make jokes like:...
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Christmas 2011 was a bit more unusual than what is typical. You see, my parents were getting new family-room furniture for Christmas and apparently it was to be delivered before Christmas so they proactively had the old furniture removed and chose not to put up the Christmas tree. I found it perplexing; I asked myself, why would...
read moreI’d like to take this time to wish you a happy holiday season — particularly in regard to New Year’s Eve. It’s not only the day when you realize the whole year has past you by without any accomplishments … well, except for the new hair growth in your ears and other orifices. Wait a minute … now that I think about...
read moreI’ve become addicted to a game on my phone called Text Twist 2 — it’s kind of like Angry Birds … but for smart people. OMG! That was freakin’ rude. Really, I’m just yanking your chains. I’m just bitter and humiliated because I never successfully made it past the first level of Angry Birds — the constant ‘Level...
read moreWinter really makes me ornery, I’m from Texas for hell’s sake. I’d rather swim with sharks or make whoopee with Debbie Gibson or have my testicles tied into a bow — actually I’ve tried this last one before, it’s not so bad — than deal with the snow. But one thing I do enjoy about this time of year is when my friends...
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