Happy Thanksgiving, kittens! I hope your family get-togethers went well and you didn’t overdo it on the calories. For those of you who remember this time last year I weighed a petit 252 pounds but through a strict regimen of exercise and purging, I am now down in the manageable 232-235 range. I would love to lose a little more, but, petals, I simply can’t afford the calories because I am now officially an athlete! Surprised? Me too! Here’s the skinny.

So, darlings, a few mornings ago at the Bunker du Glamour, I had just put a cinnamon-sugar bagel in the toaster when the phone rang in my office. The call only lasted a few minutes but all of a sudden the smoke detectors started going off and the house was filling with smoke. My innocent, little breakfast nosh had turned into a flaming bagel of death and was trying to set my kitchen cabinets on fire! Not exactly a pleasant way to start the morning, I must tell you.

Guten morgen meine Damen und Herren! Here it is, the morning after I went to the State Fair and I am still feeling stuffed. Between the corn dogs, pecan fudge and pretzel sticks, my moderate portions and healthy diet got blown back into the Dark Ages.

First order of business, I have to say to my lesbian sisters: Girls … you have really upped your game! Walking around the Equality Utah Allies Dinner last week, I could not believe how smoking hot you all looked! The hair, the shoes, the mini’s, I tell you, muffins, lesbians young and...

Don’t look at me, darlings, I’m still disfigured and hideous! A few days ago I was stung by a wasp and I blew up like a Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade balloon. It was not pretty! It hurt like hell for a while but there wasn’t anything particularly alarming about it, so I just soldiered on (I’ve had worse cases of bloating and irritability, let me tell you!)

Well hello, petals! How is your summer going now that the gorgeous weather is finally here? I have been frantically busy puttering around in my yard, but I did take a few hours off last weekend to have a blast at the Utah Arts Festival, or as I like to think of it as “General Conference for...

First up, kittens, I have to toss out a gigantic mea culpa. I totally missed Pride this year. But I do have really good excuses: As I get older, I’m just not “that” gay anymore, and between the wet weather and a seized up transmission on my rototiller, I had a serious backlog of...

Happy Pride edition, sweeties! I have to admit, I almost didn’t make deadline because as the pure-living, spiritually aware, chaste and virtuous gal that I am, I was absolutely convinced I was going to be taken up by the Rapture on the 21st. Sadly, I wasn’t, so it’s back to deadlines,...