“Gay square dancing is high energy dancing,” said Ross Lopton, caller for the Temple Squares. “We welcome anyone interested in Modern Western Square Dance to give it a try. It’s not what you remember from junior high and definitely not your grandma’s square dancing!”

People of all races, religions, ages, gender identities and sexual orientations are welcome. All varieties of music are used and the beginning steps are easy to learn and necessary for learning more advanced steps.

“A great thing about our group is that it’s not necessary to bring a dance partner,” added Lopton.

For the last two years, Temple Squares have been recruiting at the Utah Pride Festival. Word of mouth and enthusiasm for the dance has grown the group to include lesbians, straight allies, past square dancing aficionados and newbies eager to learn the dance and participate in physical activity. It is also a great way to meet other active Salt Lake residents and make new friends.

Temple Squares is a member of the International Association of Gay Square Dance Clubs, the umbrella organization supporting gay and lesbian Modern Western Square Dance clubs in the United States, Canada and Japan. The IAGSDC holds a square dance convention each year in a North American city.

The IAGSDC was formed in 1983 when straight callers decided they would not permit gay or lesbian couples to participate in square dancing. The Gay Callers Association taught gays and lesbians how to call square dancing so that gay clubs would have a person who knew and taught the standard dances to the community. Today, the IAGSDC holds a national conference and The Gay Callers Association sponsors a calling school at the annual convention.

The Columbus Center is located at 2498 S. 500 East, South Salt Lake City. For additional information including dance schedules and events, visit Temple Squares at www.templesquares.org or contact Ross Lopton at 801-309-6720, ross.lopton@gmail.com, or Roque Salas at 801-896-3508, engrnfwb@gmail.com.

- Rally for Equality organizer Turner Bitton in a Facebook comment about Richard Matthews’ call for Utah AIDS Foundation Director Stan Penfold’s resignation.

“I believe due to the current lack of resources it is healthy to review not only the mission of the Utah Aids Foundation, its management and the structure of the organization to see if its effect in reaching its goals helping those with HIV/Aids and HIV Prevention. … I also think it’s about time this subject of the UAF focus to be open to our community and not limited to Stan Penfield and the UAF Board.”

- Bradley Gubbler in the same discussion.

“I believe that it is time to have a new direction for the foundation and some fresh ideas at the helm of things. I believe that thing’s have gotten very complacent with UAF.”

- Michael Berry

“Change MUST be made, this I agree with wholeheartedly, however the steps to that change must be calculated and worked out correctly so that it does not effect those people who depend on the programs and services of that organization.”

- Local drag performer Nova Starr.

“A quotation mark instead of an apostrophe? Really? And presumably the perpetrator was trying to denote that there are gay people inside, not that it belonged to them.”

- Commenter “AdmNaismith” on AMERICAblog’s post about the Pride Center vandalism.

“BYU is ranked sixth in the Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender-unfriendly category, a fact of which it is proud. BYU spokesman Todd Hollingshead said on Fox 13 News that the school is happy with the ranking and hopes to defend the top spot next year. To each his own, I guess. But if I was a prospective college student, I definitely know where I wouldn’t want to go.”

- Daily Utah Chronicle writer Alex Noshrivan, in an opinion piece contrasting the University of Utah and BYU in terms of protections for gay and transgender students.

J Fraga is the newly-elected president of the league after many years of planning and serving as an officer.

“The Goodtime Bowling League is about camaraderie, fun and supporting nonprofit organizations,” said Fraga. “It is a fun way to give back to society and help various organizations with the money that Bonwood Bowl and the Goodtime League donates. I encourage everyone to join the league to have fun, from novice to seasoned player.”

Teams and players are encouraged to arrive 15 minutes before 7 p.m. each Sunday. Players who are not on a team are encouraged to arrive at 6 p.m. and register as an individual player. Each week, each player is required to pay a league fee of $11, and a one-time United States Bowling Congress membership of $19 is required before or on the day of opening season play. Miller states that the league fee is one of the lowest in the state.

“The unique thing about the league is it’s a charity league. All proceeds from bowling the 28 weeks go to charities the league votes on,” said Chad Miller, league secretary. “The owner of Bonwood Bowl, Dean White, has always made the league feel very welcome along with Chad Hall and his staff.”

Weekly raffles and holiday theme nights make for festive bowling during the season. The end of the season banquet will be held at Club Try-Angles.

“As I start my ninth year bowling on the Goodtime League, I’ve had the opportunity to meet a lot of great people,” said Miller. “I can’t think of a better way to spend a couple of hours on a Sunday evening. Gene Gieber, owner of Try-Angles, has hosted our banquets for the past three years and has always made the extra effort to make sure it’s a great experience.”

This August, two bowlers from the league represented Utah at the 2010 Gay Games in Cologne, Germany. Larry Lee won a silver when added to a German team, while John Bennett did not medal but enjoyed his fifth Gay Games. Both bowlers credit Goodtime as instrumental in improving their bowling skills and in making new friends.

“Thank you to Bonwood Bowl for allowing us to bowl free the other night and this will be my third or fourth year at Bonwood, but I did play up at the University when it first started over 20 years ago,” said John Bennett, remembering that it was the first year.

The league is also a member of the International Gay Bowling Organization, and will encourage league players to travel and participate in IGBO tournaments throughout the year.

Interested players are encouraged to e-mail signup@saltlakegoodtimes.com. For more information, visit saltlakegoodtimes.com or the league’s Facebook page. You may also call Cody Ellison at 801-856-9973. Bonwood Bowl is located at 2500 S. Main St., Salt Lake City and its website is bonwoodbowl.com.  Information about IGBO tournaments can be found at igbo.org.

We know we cheer these folks on a lot, but given all that they do for our community and the community at large, we figure they’re worth another paragraph — especially now that they’ve won a community service award from the National Restaurant Association. Bambara’s commitment to helping people with AIDS and low-income women and its championing of local, sustainable (and delicious!) food are laudable, and it’s high time this restaurant received some more national recognition for its hard work and good cooking. Here’s hoping they’ll bring home the National Restaurant Neighbor Award this September.

SLAP: Pride Center Vandals

Whether it was the work of some bored kids or a nasty anti-gay person, it goes without saying that the vandalism of the Café Marmalade sign at the Utah Pride Center has made people angry, and even afraid. Yet, as awful, wasteful and flat-out mean-spirited this incident was, there’s just something pathetic about a tagger who spells “FAGS” as “FAG”S.” Salt Lake City Police: If you catch this person, can remedial grammar be part of his or her community service project? Or maybe having to write out “I will not misuse quotation marks” 4,000 times before having to clean the entire Pride Center from office to café? Hey, if someone’s going to act like a grade schooler, why not treat them like one?

SNAP: Layton PFLAG

Northern Utah just keeps surprising us this year. First it was Logan passing a gay and transgender-inclusive ordinance, and Ogden considering one. Now it’s a PFLAG group forming in Layton, a city that isn’t exactly known for being a bastion of gay and transgender rights activism. That said, the chapter’s founding just goes to show that more Utahns are warming up to the idea that people should be treated with respect and care regardless of their sexual orientations or gender identities. Bravo to the courageous parents who started this chapter — Utah’s fourth! — and may their doors be flooded with members and supporters.

So what’s happening in this upcoming season? Well, the obvious is Salt Lake City now has another Saturday night venue – Babylon. That’s right. If you haven’t already heard (and I can’t imagine how you couldn’t have) Babylon has reopened and is already taking some patrons from other establishments.

However, I for one am getting sick of the ever-growing competitive nature of our nightlife spots. I understand that businesses are open (at the end of the day in both senses here) to make a profit, and to make a profit you must have a vast majority of our community frequenting and spending money. That said, ideally what I would like to see is more collaboration between these fine bars, clubs and lounges. We have enough people in this world who are “against us;” we cannot turn on each other for the mere sake of ego, profit or “he who dies with the most customers wins.”

Here’s how it could work.

JAM, for example, is the spot to go between 9–11 p.m. on any given night (and especially during special events, parties or holidays). The staff is friendly, the drinks are cold, the environment is safe and most of us are accustomed to it. People drink and spend money but aren’t too “tipsy” before they move on (possibly becoming a “problem child” somewhere else).

Maybe if you show up to Pure with a JAM stamp you could get free admission no matter the time. Or if you show up to Edge the next night after venturing to Pure you get a free cocktail. Regardless the incentive, I hope to see our community come closer together rather than push one another apart.

Basically, this isn’t San Diego where competitive bars work because the community is spread out and can support such a situation. This is Salt Lake City and we’re close like Cheers “where everybody knows your name” (well, to an extent, obviously). But it’s true. Utah has a large lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender community and many who go out are the same people that go out weekly.

Fall brings nicer weather and beautiful scenery. Let’s see that same beauty come out of collaborative efforts from our community bars, clubs and lounges and get some enticing deals going to get us prepared for winter when we all hibernate in our preferred destinations.

“Please, can I stay home?” A 12-year-old boy with freckles begged his mom on the way to school.

She gave him a sympathetic look, wishing that this year would be better for him; that her son would finally stop crying himself to sleep every night.

Shaking, the boy, David James Bell, closed the car door and headed into school as slowly as possible. He quietly said a prayer, just as he did before every school day. When the day started, he sat at a desk with his name tag on the front, his name written in crayon. He breathed a sigh of relief as he opened his new set of colored pencils and blank notebook.

As he started to design a Power Ranger, hands tugged his hair, hurting his scalp tremendously before slamming him into his desk. The pain was so intense his head burned. A migraine began as he ran from the classroom. As he ran, a kid yelled “faggot!” at the top of his lungs.

When he reached the bathroom, he collapsed on the floor. His physical pain didn’t even begin to compare with his emotional heartache. He was starting to believe that his name was now Faggot and his soul was worth nothing.

Boys will not just be boys. Girls will not just gossip. Kids die from this. Kids hang themselves. And those who do survive often have unimaginable scars that don’t heal for years, if ever.

I know because I was one of these kids. From fourth grade to sixth I was the one in the corner who everyone picked on, left out and occasionally spit on. I was always the last one chosen for a teammate. Twenty years later, dating is still hard for me. I rarely go out on dates for fear of rejection because when it happens I fall back to that time in my life when all my peers really did reject me, and the tears fall like rain in the night sky.

Five suicide attempts later, I have survived and am still breathing. I do look forward to the days ahead. But the life got sucked out of me when I was young and it never fully returned. As a high school student, I learned just like Bell did that it didn’t matter what shallow people thought about us. It only ever mattered if we accepted who we were as a person. When we did, others followed.

“I finally did realize my self worth and took control, but it took a long time, even longer for me to believe I was worth even more than that. I had to fake it till I made it,” Bell told me.

Men will not just be men. Women will not just be catty. Adults die. Adults hurt so badly they die by their own hands. We tell our kids time and time again to treat others with respect, but our actions speak louder than our words every time.

Twenty years later, Bell is a full-grown man with freckles and long, reddish-blonde hair. Two years ago, on July 4, he was settling down from hanging out with his friends at a club. He noticed his tabby cat was missing and searched for her at the neighbors’ house where they were having an adult party.

An hour or so later, their hands tugged his hair as they pulled him out of his house, hurting his scalp tremendously as they slammed him into a concrete driveway. Others joined in, putting in blow after blow. Fist after fist. Pan after pan. The words “faggot” and “cocksucker” echoed in his ear until he lost hearing.

His husband came to his defense, but he only suffered the same fate. They were both left for dead.

The attackers invented a new defense when the police showed up. Assuming he was a pedophile because he was gay the cops cuffed DJ.  The detective took him for a brief hospital visit and then off to jail, where he spent weeks for a crime he didn’t commit, and years waiting for justice to finally be served. His physical scars mostly healed, but his emotional ones took more time.

Even the most broken heart can eventually heal. The wounded soul can find release. Those who have suffered greatly can turn around and release others suffering just as greatly. DJ and his husband struggle every day regaining their finances and physical health and dreams that were shattered to pieces that fateful night. But that doesn’t stop either of them from being kind people. David James Bell-Fair is the warmest person I know. He sings for No More Homeless Pets. He touches lives every day with his ability to spread jokes and smiles to everyone he meets. And while he and his husband relive the worst night of their adult lives every day, they do not succumb to hatred, bitterness or a desire for vengeance.

And this is the attitude we have as adults if we want to end the cycle of bullying and violence. In every classroom there is at least one bully. But in every classroom there are also future heroes, whether they were bullies or bullied themselves or just silently watched, who will overcome the scars they caused and scars they received and use what they have learned to better help others.

Special thanks to David James Bell-Fair and Dan Fair.

First, I started with a chilled melon soup I’ve been making for years. You make it in the blender and I use the most appropriate fresh fruit in it along with the melons. Here’s how you do it:

*Chilled Honeydew Soup*

* ½ ripe honeydew melon peeled and cubed
* One medium cantaloupe peeled and cubed
* About six fresh, ripe apricots, pitted (later in the season I’ll use peaches)
* Simple syrup, about 2 cups — you can use the juice off of any canned fruit
* Heavy cream to taste
* Blue food color — several drops to restore honeydew color
* Grand Marnier, three to four tablespoons
* Two T freshly squeezed lemon juice

Blend  ingredients together until ultra smooth. Add the fruit syrup to desired thickness. Don’t let the soup be too runny or too sweet.  Top with a dollop of sour cream and a sprig of lavender which can be swirled into the soup.

House-Smoked Fresh Salmon

For the next course, I served a beautiful fresh salmon (pictured above), which was kind of smoked on an outdoor grill. I bought some hickory wood chips, which are available at a lot of stores, and I soaked about three cups of the chips in water overnight. I scattered the chips around the edges of my propane  grill and placed the salmon on a double thickness of aluminum foil. I drizzled the salmon with a homemade teriyaki sauce – but you could use a commercial one – and cooked it on a low setting until it was done through. This was so easy to do and it had that great smoky taste. I served it still warm with some really nice dark bread and some herbed cheese spread — Boursin would be a great choice.

*Sufferin’ Succotash*

For this dish I roasted four to five ears of corn on the outdoor grill. Later I cut the kernels off the cob and sautéed the corn in a skillet with butter, salt, pepper and Italian pepper flakes—you can use as much as you want! I also put in some fresh green beans and red bell peppers. This dish was so delicious it could almost be made into a meal by itself. I used freshly snapped green beans from my garden, which I blanched for several minutes in boiling water and then cooled before sautéeing with the beans. Please make this. It’s easy and wonderful.

For the main course, I cheated and made a stew ahead in the crock pot. I love doing this because when you’re busy, you can really cut down your anxiety by setting this up in the morning, and it just takes a few minutes to finish before serving. I bought red and yellow “fingerling” potatoes and  boiled them a little while before dinner. I arranged them in a circle around the platter, ladled the stew in the center and topped it with chopped parsley. Here’s the recipe:

*White Pork Savory Stew with Fingerling Potatoes*

Mark a 2-lb. pork loin roast on an outdoor grill, let cool and cut into 1½ inch cubes. Place the cubed pork in a crock pot, with already heated chicken, beef or pork broth in it. Add one cup diced celery, onion and carrot. Add a pinch of thyme and bay leaf and several leaves of fresh sage. Add several buttons of garlic, coarsely chopped. Cook in the broth until very tender. Finish the sauce by adding roux or cornstarch and season as desired. Add cream at the last, as much as you want. You’ll want to make this dish again and again.

*Aunt Ruth’s Graham Cake*

1¾ c. whole wheat flour, or graham flour if you can find it. I used a Golden Wheat, finely milled product from Montana.
2 heaping tbsp. cornstarch
5 eggs, separated
½ c. water, almost boiling
1¾ c. sugar
½ c. oil
½ tsp. salt
1½ tsp. vanilla

Sift flour and cornstarch six times. Add hot water to egg yolks and beat until stiff. Add sugar gradually while beating. Add oil, flavoring and salt, beating gently until oil is all taken up. Fold the flour in gently. Add stiffly beaten egg whites. Bake in an ungreased angel food cake pan at 325 degrees for 30 minutes, then at 350 degrees for the last 30 minutes. Serve with fruit and whipped cream on top.

Suggested Wines:

With the salmon and the melon soup I paired both a Ste Michelle Dry Riesling (which we loved with both dishes) and a crisp, yet full-bodied Eyrie Pinot Blane. This last wine was delicious by itself and handsomely made — in fact, it was the first time I really loved a Pinot Blanc — but the pairing was not as good as the dry Riesling. With the stew, I first served a Willamette Valley, whole cluster Pinot Noir—delicious, full, cherry-raspberry. It was delicious, and it would be with almost anything. Then, even though the stew has a nearly white gravy, I paired it with a simply gorgeous Columbia Crest H3 Cabernet. For around $16 a bottle it’s ridiculously good! With the graham cake, I made a “hard sauce” with Utah’s own High West Whisky to pour over the cake. Then I garnished with berries, and I served a shot glass of the Whisky on the side.

Please try some of these recipes on your families and guests.

Bon Appétit!

Empowerment Workshop

The Utah Pride Center has announced its next Empowerment Workshop. Themed “Living as a Minority: Loving Yourself in a World Where You are Different,” it will be centered around helping participants handle the feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt that come from living in a predominantly anti-gay society. The six-week workshop will begin Sept. 6 and run each Monday from 6:30-8 p.m. until Oct. 11. Joshua Bytendorp will facilitate. Participants are asked to commit to a three-week module (either the first three workshops or the last three). Workshops will focus on gender and sexuality issues, communication, coping skills and spirituality.
Where: Utah Pride Center, Middle Meeting Room, 361 N. 300 West
Cost: $15 for first or second three week module. Reduced cost available upon request.
Info: Joshua Bytendorp at 801-573-1194.

Adopt a Furry Friend

PetSmart locations in Utah and across the United States and Canada will host the PetSmart Charities Second Chance for Love National Adoption Weekend, Sept. 10–12. Co-sponsored by Hill’s Science Diet brand pet food, the event hopes to place 19,600 dogs, cats, and a variety of other shelter and rescue pets. The PetSmart location at 389 W. 1830 South will provide additional space in its parking lot to showcase pets in need of homes. Adopters will receive samples from both sponsors. A number of local pet shelters and animal rescue agencies will be participating. To find your nearest PetSmart Charities adoption center visit PetSmart.com or call 877-473-8762.

Family Conference

The Utah Pride Center will host “Bringing Families Back Into the Room,” a regional conference, Oct. 8-10, for families with gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and queer youth. The keynote speaker will be Dr. Caitlin Ryan, head of the Family Acceptance Project at San Francisco State University, which is studying ways to help families support queer children. For more details, check utahpridecenter.org.

That’s how my mother had reacted to my coming out 18 years ago … oh, except for this initial question that she felt needed an answer: “Did somebody talk you into it?”

“No, of course not!” I replied, aghast. (‘Yes! This guy, that I have no attraction to by the way, asked me to be gay so I could be ridiculed, discriminated against, laughed at and possibly beaten to a pulp! So, yes mom, I was recruited!’)

Now, don’t get me wrong, my mother is a gem … perhaps cloudy and not of the smoothest cut, but a gem nonetheless. I have always loved and appreciated my mother, and now that she’s pushing 70 years old — mostly because her side of the family has a history of Alzheimer’s, among other ailments — I am driven to tell her that there’s a very good possibly that I have a son.

A son named Derek, 19. An October baby, if memory serves.

Obviously this doesn’t make me a father since I don’t know with absolute certainty, nor have I seen the boy since just a few months after his birth. But my friends were convinced … maybe still are convinced; they all said he was a spitting image. I couldn’t see it or wouldn’t — I mean he was a platinum blond, blue-eyed boy with kind of goofy looking ears — but what? That’s such a rarity?

However, I can’t argue the fact that the timing was suspicious — looking back, it’s almost like a plot on General Hospital.

I was about to turn 21 and I was still a virgin — in terms of both sexes. I ran with the heterosexual crowd … because society had talked me into it, because my community had recruited me. And I was bound and determined to lose my virginity before my 21st birthday, so I went with a girl, first.

I had met her at my workplace; we were both CNAs on the night shift. I asked her on a date — it had gone smoothly, but innocently — and we started innocently hanging out more and more. One night, after only a few weeks, a date we were on had ended awkwardly. We were at a house party and we had drank too many Seagram’s wine coolers. I knew I had had only a few more days, so I was anxious to get my willy wet — well, as much as a straight-deficient, gay 20-year-old virgin who’s about to have sex with a girl could be anxious. We found a vacant bedroom and I preceded to make a fool of myself; I removed her shirt without incident, but the bra was a mighty adversary — even when I found a pair of scissors. Finally, she told me, with intense conviction, just to leave it on.

Needless to say, I was thankful she had removed her own pants — they were button fly jeans, mind you!

Eventually, like an eternity, I had finally found my way into her. The act of screwing had felt weird; I felt, and probably looked like, a baby seal milking its mother. So, as much as a straight-deficient, gay 20-year-old virgin who’s having sex with a girl can get anxious, I had an orgasm so ultra-embarrassingly fast that I couldn’t pull completely out in time.

I’m not sure if, at that exact moment, she knew that it had happened, but I have learned over the years that women have an uncanny intuition. She had probably thought to herself, after ordering me off her, “Dammit, that kind of pleasure deserves a baby! And with a gay guy.”

So, inevitably we had broken up a week later without any further embarrassing  “baby seal milking” incidents. But because we had continued to work together, we sort of became friends. One night after our shift, she asked me out for a drink. I accepted. Over a couple of weak Screwdrivers she told me that she was pregnant. Talk about ‘deer-in-headlights.’ Well, for a gay guy it’s more like ‘penis-size-in-spotlight.’ However, she was fast to say the baby was not mine.

Once my girl friends had explained ‘gestation period’ to me, it seemed well within the realm of possibility that the baby was actually mine. So, though the mother-to-be continued to deny it, and because she never talked about, nor ended up marrying the “father,” I insisted on helping her out. After she had learned she was going to have a boy, I went gay-bonkers on clothes and toy shopping for the little tyke. Then when Derek was born, I’d gladly go see him time-to-time; I’d take him and his mother out to dinner and to the zoo. It seemed so surreal.

But then I came out of the closet because, at the same time that I was leading pseudo-”normal” heterosexual life, I was also having sex with guys. It somehow lead to seeing less and less of Derek and his mother, who one day finally quit her CNA job. That’s as far back as I remember, I don’t know exactly how we lost touch.

I wish we hadn’t. They had been great times! Times I miss, so much so that about 10 years ago, I seriously considered adopting a child. But that’s a story for another time.

I know in my heart it doesn’t matter if the truth is that Derek isn’t mine, I just wish that I had continued watching him grow up; to have nurtured him; to have been his baseball-catching buddy; to have been his bike-riding safety net; to be his friend. Maybe my mother could also have witnessed some of my fathership.

2thursday — Flash-fiction, micro-fiction, postcard fiction, haibun, nanofiction, vignette … can you tell a story using less than 1000 words? Less than 500? Less than 100? The Community Writing Center is offering Shorter than Short: Writing Micro-fiction, a two-session workshop to help writers present a large idea in a small amount of space. Explore character, conflict, setting and dialogue while finding ways to condense and strengthen your words.
6–8pm, tonight & Sep. 9, SLCC Community Writing Center, Library Square Plaza, 210 E. 400 South. Cost $30, 801-957-4992 or slcc.edu/cwc

4saturday — The 38th annual Oktoberfest is in full swing with the taste of Bavaria, Dale the Yo-Yo-Man, inflatable rides, craft booths, local musicians, yodelers, a mechanical bull, a climbing wall and more. Visitors can also catch the Alp Horns on Hidden Peak. So enjoy the cool mountain air, music, food and steins of beer available every weekend through the second weekend in October.
Noon–6pm, Sat. & Sun.(including Labor Day, Sept. 6), through Oct. 10, Snowbird Resort, Little Cottonwood Canyon. Admission is free, but nearly everything else isn’t, snowbird.com.

9thursday — I have witnessed many things, and have learned some things too, at the Utah State Fair; like, did you know that pornology is the “study or science of growing fruit? It’s like everything in the world makes sense now! Anyhoo, entertainment includes Boyz II Men, America, pig racing and, things that all gay men love (especially the Republican ones), a truck pull and demolition derby. And of course there will be stinky animals, cook-offs and art exhibits.
10am–10pm, through Sept. 19, Utah State Fairpark, 155 N. 1000 West. Entrance $7–9, all-day ride passes $25, utah-state-fair.com.

More than 20 of Utah’s finest restaurants, caterers and breweries will serve up delicious food at the wildest party in town, the annual Zoo Rendezvous. There will be a silent auction, featuring one-of-a-kind zoo items, plus live music. All proceeds from the event are dedicated to animal care and exhibit.
6–11pm, Hogle Zoo, 2600 E. Sunnyside Avenue, Tickets $150, must be 21 or older, 801-584-4546 or zoorendezvous.com.

10friday —  Opening the 2010-2011 Utah Symphony season is Beethoven & Brahms (not the actual composers, that would be creepy). Conductor Hannu Lintu will open with Beethoven’s symphony “recollections of country life.” Then, he leads the orchestra in Brahms’ dramatic Piano Concerto No. 2 with renowned pianist Louis Lortie.
8pm, through Saturday, Abravanel Hall, 123 W. South Temple. Tickets $20–85, 801-355-ARTS or arttix.org.

The Temple Squares — a queer square dancing group — encourages first-timers at hoeing to join them for their Beginning Mainstream Square Dance class. The Friday night classes introduce dancers to square dance, hay, 10-gallon hats and sparkly belt buckles the size of a Flybo XFD. People of all orientations and gender identities are invited to attend. Casual attire is encouraged, and singles and couples are welcome.
7–9pm, Fridays, Columbus Community Center, 2498 S. 500 East. Free, 801-309-6720 or slcsquaredancing.org.

11saturday — The Lambda Hiking Club is taking a 3.5-mile intermediate hike up Gobblers Knob … unfortunately, like most lesbians, I’ve never been, but it sure sounds fun! Anyhoo, it sits between Big Cottonwood and Mill Creek Canyons so there are a lot of access trails. Just another 900 feet from the Knob is Mount Raymond … that sounds fun too! I wonder why I equate sex with hiking … oh yeah, my first time!
9am, meet at Park N Ride at the base of Big Cottonwood Canyon. Free, for more info, contact Mark at 801-485-5654.

The 12th annual Cow Ballet features, once again, live music by Muddpuddle, and other local artists. There will be a lot of fun games for kids and adults including the infamous cow pie long jump and cow pie bingo, great food and libations, the graceful Cow Ballet choreographed by the great Randy Barton, opportunity drawings, a dunk tank and many more festivities.
2–8pm, Woodenshoe Park, 4900 Wooden Shoe Ln., Peoa. Tickets $10, mountaintownmusic.org.

Sponsored by the Greater Avenues Community Council, the annual ­Avenues Street Fair is a great event that supports local artists of the historic Avenues, which, for eight years, was my ’hood. But now I actually do live in the ’hood — What up, dog? Oh lord, it even sounds gay in my head!
9am–6pm, 7th Avenue between ‘I’ and ‘N’ Streets. Free, slc-avenues.org.

12sunday — We all love those sinewy bods and bikini-waxed babes of the Queer Utah Aquatic Club, so why not check them out in all their glory at the annual Aqua Aid fund raiser — and yes, they do swim and frolic like dolphins. Proceeds benefit the Utah AIDS Foundation.
3–6pm, 3693 Oakview Dr. Suggested donation $50, 801-487-2323 or utahaids.org.

In 2008 five friends put together a crafts holiday show called Craft Sabbath. Since then it has grown into a monthly “handmade” boutique. It showcases 23 different artists, who make everything from jewelry, to embroidered items, to upcycled vintage crafts and baby gifts. The show embraces “rebel” craft and includes everything from handcrafted bacon (huh?) to irreverent zombies (aaah!), as well as more traditional knit and felt items.
1–5pm, first Sunday of each month, Library Square, 210 E. 400 S. Free, craftsabbath.com.

15wednesday — In commemoration of National Community Center Awareness Day, the Utah Pride Center is holding a Drive, Fair & Chili Cookout. The Center will be collecting sporting equipment for the neighborhood West Capitol Boys & Girls Club in the morning hours. Then, in the afternoon, the Center will host an open house and a fair to introduce many of its programs to the public. It will also hold its second annual chili cookout, a friendly culinary competition between a number of local gay and transgender rights groups and community organizations.
4–8pm, Utah Pride Center, 361 N. 300 West. Free, 801-539-8800 or utahpridecenter.org.

UPCOMING EVENTS
SEP 25    Wanda Sykes, Wendover, Nev.
OCT 16    Spencer Day, Rose Wagner
NOV 26-29    The Rockettes, Maverick Ctr
APR 11    Lily Tomlin, Kingsbury Hall