Categories: Book Review

BookwormSez: ‘Blame It On Bianca Del Rio: The Expert on Nothing with an Opinion on Everything’

“Blame It On Bianca Del Rio: The Expert on Nothing with an Opinion on Everything” by Bianca Del Rio
c.2018, Dey Street Books
$21.99 / 272 pages

You have no rope left.

You were at the end of yours last week, and you need help. Advice. Tell-me-what-to-do direction. Even a little hint would be great, and in Blame It On Bianca Del Rio by Bianca Del Rio, you might find it.

Or not. Then again, Del Rio adamantly says that she gives “better advice than Dr. Phil” because what she espouses is based on “years and years of insightful prying and corrosive gossip… .” That’s the basis of this “literary goldmine”, but Del Rio cautions that she changed names and circumstances while writing it. In other words, even if you see your name here, it’s not all about you.

Some of the problems here may be yours, though, and Del Rio offers “help” — first on health and grooming. It includes bad smells and what to do about them, rocking a bald look, dealing with serious illness, preparing yourself for a loved one’s death, and looking one’s best (or lowering one’s standards).

This book wouldn’t be right without Del Rio’s guidance on sex and relationships. She has a lot to say about LBD (Lesbian Bed Death), coming out as gay to your girlfriend of four years, how many cats a queen can have before crossing the line, and what to do about a terrible mother-in-law.

There’s “advice” on how to deal with neighbors who don’t like you, and neighbors you like a little too much. Find out what Del Rio says about unknown paternity and how to avoid the same situation in the future. Get help on dealing with homophobia, parents that are overly supportive,  and bad grandmas and other family matters. Learn how to turn down an invitation, how to read an invitation, and how to be rude-not-rude.

Finally, find out what it’s like to be famous, fabulous, and fabulously famous. In a rush of snark and a long answer, Del Rio tells all.

In case you hadn’t already figured it out — whether you are familiar with author Bianca Del Rio or not, whether you know her work or don’t — you need to know that there’s not one single thing about Blame It On Bianca Del Rio that’s PC. Nope, in fact, there may be parts of this book that could be downright insulting.

Contrary to what you were told in grade school, however, some books need to be judged by their covers, and this one is a good example. With one look, you should know what you’re getting yourself into, and a good insult is half the appeal of what you’ll have once you’re there. Mixed in are the occasional usable nugget, a lot of “you-go-girl!” empowerment, blunt MYOBiz answers to authentically sticky problems, and fall-down screaming-hysterical laughs hidden in the snarkiest of comments.

Blame It on Bianca Del Rio absolutely does not belong on the shelf with other Agony Aunt tomes. Get it, and it might not need a shelf at all because you’ll want it close, all tied up in fun.

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Terri Schlichenmeyer

Terri Schlichenmeyer, Book Review Columnist, has been reading since she was 3 years old and she never goes anywhere without a book. She has worked with more than 200 newspapers and nearly 50 magazines scattered in 46 states, the Virgin Islands and six provinces of Canada. Terri lives on a hill in Wisconsin with two dogs and 12,000 books.

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